There are a lot of times that i really miss my dad but when it hurts the most is when i hear or see something regarding my sister. Not the little girl that i knew growing up or even in her high school years but her now. It breaks my heart..honestly it does. Part of me is very thankful that my dad never her saw her like this but at the same time i wonder if she would have gone this far if he'd been around. She always had a unique respect for him because of his past. I've always felt like she's a bit confused in this because it's one way she has told me that she can justify stuff. He was sold out for Christ during all the years he was married to my mom and when he was our daddy but she saw it as a way it bonded her to him and maybe that it was ok...but she's got it so backwards.
I feel like I lost my sister too, almost two years ago. It's not a lost like I'll never see her again but it's like it's in flux. I feel like there's this chance she's going to come back someday and want to build a relationship with us again and another part that i might never see her again. For someone who has always had so much life in her, I feel like she's right on the line of doing something stupid, something permanent, and i don't know how to help her. The tears have fallen once again today for her. Why can't she see what she's missing in our Father's arms? the forgiveness and the peace...